"Raphmoe" (raphmoe)
02/13/2015 at 10:44 • Filed to: journalism, raphmoe, jalopnik, torch, wtf, satire, parody, hurrdurrr
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"Raphmoe" (raphmoe)
02/13/2015 at 10:44 • Filed to: journalism, raphmoe, jalopnik, torch, wtf, satire, parody, hurrdurrr | 5
| 20 |
You're still a kid because you are reading this website, really. A car is no longer a form of transportation— you're a tool, it's a passion, it's your freedom, it's a way to be accepted online, it's an outlet to make you think your life has meaning but it does not — it's your entire life because you have made some very terrible decisions to get to the point that you're reading this article and thinking to yourself "wow, i waste a lot of fucking time online so I better rage about something to make it seem worthwhile". That's why you should get rid of these six things, if, somehow, you still have them in your car.
1. A stinky, rancid pile of feces that controls your thoughts.
What part of "you're still a kid because you are reading this website" do you not understand? Get rid of that rancid pile of feces and go outside and enjoy life.
2. A shining, adjectivey pile of brown poop that seizes control of your body.
You deserve better than this. It's your body, you should control it, not some stupid fucking website! Am I right, people?
3. A crying, sophomoric cry for help.
Um, hello? What's worse than terrible satire? Doubling down on stupid and acting like you're funny when nobody knows what the actual fuck you are talking about. It's cool bro, smoke some resin from that bowl.
4. A stenchy, disgusting, putrid pile of raw poop that hovers and pops, shooting rays of brown goo on to your face
Ain't nobody got time for that kind of shit. Am I right?
5. Any sort of poopy, idiotic, moronic, attempts at satire like this post.
Seriously, friends. Grow up. Get rid of those stupid floating piles of poop that used to be your brain before you became addicted to the fake friendships on this website!
6. A brownie, browner, brown note, le petite del seriously take some of my writing as important and trustworthy but the rest should be flushed down the toilet like this pile of brown.
Lol, what the fuck am I even doing here?
This post is a work of satire upon satire by Raphmoe inspired by the great Jason Torchinsky:
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Frosted
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 10:47 |
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Sooooo a fart cannon?
CalzoneGolem
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 10:48 |
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He's baaaacckkk!
http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/youre-strangel…
Jonathan Harper
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 10:54 |
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Um, hello? What's worse than terrible satire? Doubling down on stupid and acting like you're funny when nobody knows what the actual fuck you are talking about.
I think you've quite properly summed up your existence here.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 10:55 |
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Juvenalian satire really works best when there's (arguably) something to even be angry about. If the anger is simulated or poorly targeted then it's easier to lose script and produce a far more banal result than the target. I'm going to wait for waymoe's more Menippean take before I slam this that harshly, though. First impression 1.5/5.
-LiteraryCriticizinRover
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Raphmoe
> CalzoneGolem
02/13/2015 at 10:55 |
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This post is a work of satire upon satire by Raphmoe inspired by the great Jason Torchinsky.
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Jonathan Harper
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 10:56 |
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I do commend you for more properly citing this work.
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Raphmoe
> Jonathan Harper
02/13/2015 at 10:56 |
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Agreed. I fit in with the writers here very well.
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Raphmoe
> Jonathan Harper
02/13/2015 at 10:57 |
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You should keep using the word proper properly because it is proper.
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CalzoneGolem
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 11:00 |
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Oink
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Raphmoe
> CalzoneGolem
02/13/2015 at 11:03 |
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Much like every other person here, some posts are serious, other posts are satire. Why is this hard to understand?
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Raphmoe
> Frosted
02/13/2015 at 11:04 |
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A wet fart cannon.
Hahayoustupidludditeshutupandgohandcrankyourmodeltalready
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 11:04 |
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Sooo.... I take it you don't like Torchinsky?
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CalzoneGolem
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 11:09 |
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As a pig I have no understanding of satire. Also, oink.
extraspecialbitter
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 11:15 |
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I don't understand. I'm not getting any of this. Save me, Batman!
ACESandEIGHTS
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 11:19 |
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Jonathan Harper
> Raphmoe
02/13/2015 at 13:08 |
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Because your twisted version of satire is much moe shit stirring than funny.
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Raphmoe
> Jonathan Harper
02/15/2015 at 19:30 |
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That is just your opinion. Don't read it and don't comment if it bothers you. That's what people do here all the time for posts they aren't interested in.
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Jonathan Harper
> Raphmoe
02/15/2015 at 20:00 |
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It is just my opinion, but you should take note of it when my opinion is shared by many others here.
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Raphmoe
> Jonathan Harper
02/15/2015 at 20:53 |
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Good for you.
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Jonathan Harper
> Raphmoe
02/15/2015 at 22:16 |
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Yes. Evaluate.